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Can’t you just do it for me?

I had a pretty standard call this morning from a business that said we were paying at the wrong tax rate ever since their new contract. No biggie, we provide a form online, fill it out and send it back and we’ll fix it. I thought nothing else of it until the laziest person in the world called me about the same issue. Not the same caller as before, this was his boss.

Lazy Boss: This is (business) and our tax rate isn’t right.

Me: Okay, what do you show that it should be?

LB: Huh?

Me: What does your system show that we should be paying you?

LB: I don’t understand your question. That makes no sense.

Me: I’m asking you what you think we should be paying so I can compare it to what we are actually paying.

LB: Uh…. shuffling papers, typing on the computer, asking for his other employee by a name I recognize and asking him what it should be …XXX dollars.

Me: Yes, this is starting to sound familiar, I believe I spoke to (employee) before and showed him how to get the form you need to change it. It’s very simple and we can get it fixed very quickly.

LB: Well, we aren’t changing it. It’s the same as it’s always been.

Me: I’m sure that’s true, but as I explained to your employee, it appears we had the wrong information on the new contract and it was signed without anyone telling us it was wrong. It could have been adjusted during negotiations but since it wasn’t and the contract was finalized we now require a form.

LB: Well it was right before the new one! It added up perfectly at XX dollars so you had it right before and I don’t understand why it changed.

Me: pulls old contract That’s odd…. We have the same incorrect tax rate on this one as well. I’m not sure how it all balanced out properly but since we know it’s wrong now all we need is a form to change it.

LB: BUT IT’S NOT CHANGING!!

Me: We are changing it from the incorrect amount to the correct amount. We can’t just adjust this stuff whenever anyone calls we need a formal request from your company to do this.

LB: long, heavy sigh Can you email it to me?

Me: No, sir, I cannot verify your identity over the phone so please log in to your account, print the form and send it back. I do not send forms that change billing or contract information for security reasons. Our way of verifying you is by having you log in to your account that only authorized employees should have access to and getting the form from there.

LB: Can someone, like, just fill it out all the way and fax it to me so I can sign it and send it back?

Me: Sir, with all due respect, that is literally the process you have gone through with your last two contracts and you did not read or verify that information before signing it. I’m asking you again to print the form, fill it out completely with the correct information, and send it to us. It’s very simple, and it could have been done already if it had been sent this morning when I told (employee) how to do it.

LB: HUGE sigh and disconnects

Bro, I am NOT going to do everything for you. I could probably have doodled on the form and sent it to him and he’d have sent it back with a signature. Even then it STILL wouldn’t be our fault because you should STILL READ THE FORM BEFORE SIGNING IT YOU FREAKIN FRUITCAKE

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I let the cx get to me

Mr. Charity