Ode to the Karen that blocked our number


I work as a dispatcher for an alarm company. Basically if something sets your alarm off im the one calling you to see if youre ok/ calling police/fire/ems if we cant verify youre ok or if we can verify you need them. Procedures for different alarm types vary but for all of them we always try to contact you over the panel in your home/ business first. This is the standard. You were informed of this when you first got your system.

I get a burglary alarm from your system. I speak with you over the panel. You immediately begin swearing at me. We establish that you’re fine but are having issues with your system. Also why the fuck didn’t we ever call your phone?? I’m dead inside so I politely do the “so sorry to hear you’re having trouble with this let me help” dance, I don’t give a shit about the swearing youre about to be tech supports problem and so far it just sounds like youre mad at the equipment.

I tell you we can actually add super secret special instructions to your acount to skip the panel and just call you if youd like. Itll be great. You’ll love it. It’ll be exactly like you seem to think it should be. The thing is the verification to help with account issues and add those lovely special instructions is slightly different than the verification process for me to not send the cops. So I ask you for a single additional piece of info.

You do not want to give me this info over the panel. You insist that this is stupid and unsafe. Why would i ask you to put your buisness out for the whole world to hear?? Karen you are standing inside your own home. You are not in public. You just told me that you are home alone. I have no idea why this could possibly be an issue for you but sure I can call you on your phone instead. That line and conversation will be recorded just like this one but whatever makes you feel warm and fuzzy.

I ask if I can call you at the number ending in 1234. You snap at me “well that’s my number isn’t it??” I don’t fucking know Karen that’s why I asked. You have 5 different numbers listed all with your name as the contact name please forgive my stupidity in trying to make sure I was calling the right one. So I confirm the full number. You verify that this is the correct number. Ok Karen I will call that number, the one we agreed on, AS SOON AS I DISCONNECT FROM YOUR PANEL at wich point i will be so so so happy to help you. You inform me your phone is in hand, you are waiting and I better hurry up. I click the button to drop the call with your panel. I click the button to dial your phone. This takes 1 or perhaps 2 seconds. It does not ring. It goes straight to voice mail. I try again just in case, but no. It goes. Straight. To. Voicemail. I leave a message you will never get.

Karen you have our number blocked.

You have blocked the number for the people you pay to monitor your safety and are now angry that we never call you.

I cannot help you you absolute fucking platypus. I send you the scripted email with our callback number and desperately hope i dont get the incoming call whenever you figure out how phones work. The universe help whatever poor soul has to take it I just hope it’s not me.


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