Sorry to blast the page with submissions, just remembered another.
Me: “Thanks for calling YourCableCompany, this is Taco, how can I help you?”
C: “My internet is out!”
Me: “I’m sorry about that sir, I’ll be more than happy to help-”
C: “No! I don’t want to troubleshoot anything!”
Me: “Okay sir well I can send a technician to your-”
C: “NO! IF YOU SEND A TECHNICIAN, I’LL KILL ‘EM!”
Me: “Well, sir, if you don’t want me to help you fix the service, and you’re threatening to kill our tech if we sent one, I’m just going to hang up the call and mark your account as disconnecting.”
C: “No! No! *sigh* Okay here’s my account info”
Ended up just being a simple IP address release/renew. He was fine in 5 minutes.
Please don’t murder cable technicians.