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I Lied to a Drunk Caller About My Age Just to Get Out of an Awkward Situation

When I was 18, I got a job at a local call center working with debit/credit card fraud and identity theft. As you can imagine, there were a lot of fun calls I had, so you might see me post a few here and there.

When I first got the job, I worked from the afternoon until almost midnight, and the late nights weren’t that bad. I always have been a bit of an introvert, and, having just moved out of my parents’ house and into my own apartment, I didn’t have to worry as much about my parents barging in while I was asleep and getting mad at me for sleeping all day (I have a ton of stories in Entitled Parents that show what kind of people my parents were).

On this particular occasion, it was about 10:30 at night, and the manager was working on getting everyone out already so we all could go home when I got a call. The guy had gone on vacation in Mexico and was calling because the ATM “ate” his card. This should have only taken me 10 minutes with verification, but I was on the call until almost midnight.

The first problem I ran into was the fact that the guy was clearly drunk. He wasn’t the angry kind of drunk but the good natured “will open up and spill his life’s story out” drunk, which wasn’t so bad. He was complaining to me that women sucked and that all there were in the world were gold diggers and cheaters. He even complained that he would be better of being gay because he was tired of getting hurt. To be fair, the guy had been engaged prior to all this and was dumped after his cheating ex got pregnant with someone else’s baby, so I didn’t see any problem with his complaints.

While I was trying to get the address to send the card to, he stopped the conversation and asked me, as a nice, young lady, what I thought about how women should behave towards their significant other. I was raised a little conservative, but I do also enjoy the freedom of getting to make my own choices in a relationship and being able to work as partners, not blindly agree with my significant other. Despite how it sounds, I did agree with a lot of what he said and even told him that I thought that, when women commit to a partner, they should be loyal to that partner throughout the relationship, not sleeping with several other people. I even agreed that relationships should be for love, not money and power. This is where it got interesting.

DC (drunk customer): I’m sure you don’t really mean that… I bet you’re just saying that because I’m drunk and rambling, and you want me to shut up.

Me: (I’m a little confused, especially since I’m not one to just nod and agree) I don’t know what you mean, sir…

DC: wait, you really meant it then????

Me: yes, sir

DC: (he went quiet for a moment, almost as if he was having a hard time believing this) WELL THANK YOU FOR THAT!!! YOU REALLY RESTORED MY FAITH IN WOMANKIND!

Me: (having a hard time not laughing) I appreciate that, sir. Now, about your card…

DC: have you ever been to Mexico? (I didn’t answer as this question caught me off guard. When I didn’t respond right away, he continues) You sound really pretty and smart. I’ll make you a deal… Give me your name and number, and, when I get my new card, I’ll pay for you to come down here, and we can see what happens.

Again, I was 18 at the time, and I still lived by the “stranger danger” rule, especially since I had almost been kidnapped by my taxi driver at least 3 times by that point (long story for another subreddit). Of course, I also know that, if something sounds too good to be true, it usually is. I decided to talk him out of this.

Me: oh, sir, you don’t have to do that. I’m perfectly happy to get your new card to you.

DC: you don’t have to be shy… I promise I’m a good guy.

Me: (This wasn’t the first time something like this happened, and I knew exactly what would make this end) sir, I’m 50 and married. You shouldn’t waste your money on someone like me.

The DC went completely silent, and I was afraid I lost him. However, after a short pause, he immediately apologized and made a comment of “I sounded so young” that he didn’t know. From their, he was able to get his card shipped out, and he thanked me, especially for listening to his drunken ramblings. I got off the call and turned just in time to find myself face to face with my supervisor, who looked confused and worried. When I asked what was wrong, she told me she thought the caller had been yelling at me for the last hour and was confused by my blatant lie. I quickly explained everything, and we both had a good laugh. After that, anytime some guy tried hitting on me during a call, that was my go to excuse.

What do you think?

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