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This is a story where the caller is the victim. They’re frustrated, they take it out on me, but they end up apologising (because I’m that good LOL)
I hate referring callers to another line, because back in the day I had a lot more power and authority, and also about a thousand bucks more per week. These days, however, I’m just a guy low on the totem pole, and part of my job is to be a lightning rod.
The Omicron variant has ripped through the population of my country like the fucking grey goo scenario. Testing sites closed for the holidays, government having made no preparations, confusion and rule changes aplenty; “Hello, my name is [BluApples], how can I help you today?”
Our line is basically the first port of call. We have no power, no ability to change things, and information limited by the states. We are a national line, in a Nation where the States have more power than the Federal government.
Thus:
***
“I need to travel overseas. I need a certified PCR test, where an I get one?”
“Get a referral from your Airline or the consulate of the country you’re going to.”
“They told me to call you!”
***
“I got a test 5 days ago. I’ve been isolating, I got sick, but then I got better, when can I go to work?”
“You’ve got to wait for your test result. Let me find your pathology lab, and you can follow up with them.”
“I already tried them, they’re not answering the phone. When can I go to work?”
“You need to get a result before I can answer that. Have you called [STATE HELPLINE]?”
“Yes! They gave me your number!”
***
“We found a big melted ice-cube at the Norwegian base and we’re trying to do the blood test with the hot-wire, but it’s tested positive with someone who wasn’t a contact.”
“Have you done a dental records analysis?”
“We can’t because no one is answering, and his head has already crawled away on spider legs.”
“I think you should call your military.”
“THEY TOLD US TO CALL YOU!”
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