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Working at an 811 call center, I have met a plethora of strange and indignant people. Most make themselves known right away as a POS, but there was a Karen who was so incredibly skilled in the art of deception, I thought she was just a sweet old lady. Little did I know, a bloodthirsty predator would soon bare its fangs.
*Karena Getmeyourmanagera*, aka The Wild Karen, is a terrifying creature to behold, and I had to learn this lesson the hard way.
Background: I have worked in the 811 call before you dig hotline fo almost a year, where I primarily handle dig requests (known as a locate request in our industry). You call, we ask some questions, and 5 minutes later, your ticket is created and your utilities should have at least a couple of days to perform the markings. Apologies for mobile formatting.
The call came in like any other, the cast are as follows:
Me = The peak, male specimen writing this.
K= Karen, the bane of customer service representatives the world over, whose sins make the devil himself recoil in shock.
Me: Hello, this is NaturallyArtificial_, do you need a locate?
K in a cheery tone: Yes please.
One of the many strategies a Karen uses is lulling their prey into a false sense of security, saying and doing certain things to make them seem docile. The prey is none the wiser to the wolf hiding in sheeps clothing.
Me: Can I have your phone number please?
K: (insert phone number)
Me: Is (insert phone number) correct?
K: Yes it is.
The Karen stalks closer and closer in the brush, the young customer service representative remaining oblivious to the mortal peril it is in.
Me: What is your name?
K: Karen (not really her name, but definitely a Karen nonetheless)
The customer service representative does not react, the Karen has achieved complete and total surprise. Claws unsheathed, muscles tense, the Karen readies her attack, waiting for the perfect time to strike…
Me: Alright, what is your mail address?
K: … I HAVEN’T EVEN TOLD YOU WHAT I NEED YET!!!
The chase was over before it began. Falling under the wait of her paws, the poor call center employee is completely helpless as razor sharp teeth sink into its neck, warm blood gushing from the wound.
Me jumping in surprise: Um… ma’am that’s just a question I have to ask for your contact information. I didnt mean to upset you.
K: Fine! Its 666 evil street in Karenville.
Shrieks of pain and terror echo through the forest, a flash of claws slicing into the body, rending flesh from bone. The Karen delights in the symphony of death she orchestrates.
Me: Okay, um… what is your email address.
K: OH MY GOD! GOODBYE! *disconnects*
The Karen shakes her head violently, severing the spinal cord of the poor creature. A stream of blood trickling down its limp, lifeless body onto the ground below. The Karen retreats into the darkness with its prize in search of its next victim.
Once she disconnected that call I just laughed out loud. There was literally nothing I said or any reflection in my tone that would have caused this outburst. She called 811, its implied that you need to have your utility lines marked before you dig when you call, so screaming that she hasn’t told me what she needs was strange to say the least.
The funny thing is I posted a separate story about an old geezer who was mad for me doing exactly what he told me to; both this and his call occurred within 1 day of each other for the same state, it was kind of amazing
The call didnt even last a minute. She called, screamed, and hung up. That was it.
Edit: Ive been informed the *us* at the end denotes masculinity while the *a* at the end is feminine.
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