Male Karen is surprised I can’t break federal law.

So I don’t work at a conventional call center but rather a department of the university dedicated to the billing of the students. I’ve worked both the front and the call “pit” so I’ve dealt with just about everything in the three years I’ve been working there.

Today I was working the phone and because billing just went out we’ve gotten an influx of calls dealing with everything from incorrect billing to scholarship issues (which aren’t even our department).

A man calls asking for information about his son and daughter. This is fairly standard but requires something called proxy access. Once you turn 18 and are legally an adult you’re entitled to financial privacy. I look up both kids. I notice a couple issues. Namely one kid doesn’t even have proxy setup, and the other does but didn’t heck any boxes to be able to discuss anything anyway. So here’s comes the following conversation

Me: It appears that there is no available proxy access. I can not discuss anything specific about either students’ accounts.

Male Karen: I pay for everything. I’ve got all their passwords and usernames.

M: I can not verify any of that information. I need the pass phrase for proxy to be able to discuss account specifics.

MK: humorless laugh This is why (insert university name) is going down the tubes. This is why no one is attending. It should just be common sense. What’s your name?

M: My name is Anon.

MK: Alright…Anon (said with extreme prejudice) what can you tell me?

M: Any nonspecific information which is applied to all students or is common knowledge.

MK: Fine whatever well I can see here my son’s account statement, but my daughters is not. Why is that? (All said with sarcasm/contempt)

M:…several seconds of stunned silence…(he’s asking for a receipt that is automatically generated that we have no control over)

MK: I know it’s on the screen. Do I have to tell you how to do your job?

(At this point, I’ve decided courtesy can take a backseat.)

M: Alright sir, I’m a twenty one year old student ( I know you aren’t supposed to give age, but I was banking on the fact he was a grown ass man acting like a brat and thus put it in perspective), I will be talked to with respect. I didn’t make you make payments. You are not entitled to information which is not your account. I can either discontinue this call because I have no reason to talk to you or you can go on hold and I can find what little information you are allowed to know.

MK: a quiet okay

The rest of the call resulted in him being walked through how to get proxy setup.

I hung up on him when he started saying payment should equal access and not a profuse apology for being a child.

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Just act it out yourselves!

Comebacks you keep on picturing and wishing you could have given to a rude caller?