This was a while ago, answering calls for an ISP which also provides IPTV. A man called in with an issue with his TV service.
Me: “Unnamed ISP, customer service, fnuduwuh speaking. How can I help?”
Customer: “Yes, hello, there’s something wrong with the TV service.”
Me: “Sorry to hear that, what seems to be the problem?”
Customer: “Every morning, when I turn on the TV I see the same show about dogs!”
Me: “Errr, okay. I’m not sure I understand what the issue is.”
Customer: “I don’t want to watch a show about dogs.”
Me: “I see. Err, are you able to change the channel when this occurs?”
Customer: “Yes, I’m able to switch the channel and watch what I like, but I don’t want to see this show about dogs every time I turn on my TV!”
I’m kind of stumped, because:
1) I’m pretty sure there isn’t a channel we offer that would air a show about dogs all that often, let alone every morning.
2) The issue he’s describing has nothing to do with the ISP. We don’t decide the programming, so I can do nothing to rid him of his dog show issue.
3) I have no idea what to say to this man that might create the illusion of empathy.
Me: “Yes, well, I can understand that err, not all of us are a fan of dogs…”
Customer: “Please just fix my TV service.”
Me: “Sorry sir, but nothing you said indicated that there is a problem with the service as such. What you’re describing is an issue with the programming on one of the channels we provide.”
Customer: “Am I or am I not paying you for my TV service.”
Me: “You’re paying us for the TV signal, that’s correct. But we only provide the signal, we don’t decide on the programming.”
Customer: “That’s ridiculous. If I’m paying you, you should fix my problem!”
Me: “I wouldn’t know how to sir, we have zero control over what airs on channels, that’s up to the networks.”
Customer: “I’m not paying the networks, I’m paying you. That means you’re being paid to fix my issue.”
Me: “Sir, you’re paying us to provide the signal, that doesn’t mean that we have control over the programming.”
Customer: “This is absurd. I have to see a show about dogs every morning and you’re doing nothing to fix the issue. If not you, who can fix this issue?”
Me: “The only thing I can think of is contacting the network that airs the show, though I’m not sure…”
Customer: “Fine, I’ll do that then. What’s the number?”
Me: “I have no idea.”
Customer: “You’ve been no help at all, I’ll figure it out myself.”
Me: “Okay then, good luck!”
I wonder how far he got. I also kind of wish I’d asked him what channel it was.