Me: “Hello thank you for calling [Hospital], a part of [Healthcare Conglomerate], my name is VerySuspiciousFish. How can we help you?”
Genius: “Yeah hey so uh, I had labwork done there, and the doctor scheduled me for more labwork after a test came back. But my wife looked it up online and said all I need is this shot? Can I schedule an appointment for that instead of the labwork?”
Me: “You would need to talk to your doctor about that before scheduling anything. That shot cannot be given unless ordered by a doctor. Which doctor did you see?”
Genius: “I can’t just get the shot? Fuck’s sake. I don’t know which doctor I saw! Can we at least schedule the labwork, or can I talk to the doctor who saw me?”
(He called at 9pm. Anyone who could help him has gone home at that time.)
Me: “I unfortunately don’t know who your doctor was.”
Genius: “Well how can you not know who was working there in the ER last night?? Just give me a list of names with numbers, I’ll figure it out from there.”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m afraid I can’t do that. I’m the operator from the hospital. Do you have your discharge paperwork? Maybe the info you need would be there.”
(the info he needed would have been there)
Genius: “No, I threw it out. Who cares about all that paperwork crap. Just give me the names and numbers of the ER doctors from last night!”
Me, dum-dum extraordinaire: “I’m sorry sir but I don’t have that information available to me. I’m acting as the operator for this facility. If you’re seeking a record of your stay, you’ll have to call back during normal business hours.”
Genius, paragon of smartitude: “How do you not fucking know!? Just transfer me to the ER!”
Me: “I’m sorry sir, but I can’t transfer to the ER for this type of request. You’ll have to wait until tomorrow to schedule anything with the lab. If you continue to use this language I’ll disconnect.”
Genius: “Listen, IDIOT-“
If you or someone you know wants to self-prescribe and reschedule appointments, remember that the hospital operator is there to transfer your call, and does not act as an information desk. Now, could I have bent some rules and found out what he wanted to know? Yeah, but it would have taken a few minutes of him waiting. Do I bend the rules for rude people with dumbass requests? Nope. I bend the rules for mothers with sick kids. Cussing and yelling at hospital operators or nurses is a great way to hear dead air.
submitted by /u/VerySuspiciousFish
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