Short stories from my last day taking escalated calls

I feel like I just dropped 100 pounds overnight. As it’s my last day (but still remaining in the company – just moving to another department) I couldn’t really say anything that would get me in trouble. I did become incredibly blunt and generally didn’t put up with anything. It resulted in a few fun calls.

For all stories, who is who is blatantly obvious so.

First Story Background: Customer calls in upset that they received interest. The customer bought an an item under promotional terms, where they still accrue interest but don’t actually get billed it until the promotion expires. If the purchase is paid before the promotion expires they don’t receive interest.

Me: Thank you for holding, my name is Donewiththisshitwoooo, the previous agent informed me as to..
Me: Well, as each statement says, you were on a promotion and the promotion expired on the date printed on every statement that we have sent, so you received the interest that was also on all the statements we’ve sent.
Me: We also called you the day after the purchase and explained the terms of the promotion, called you two weeks before it expired to explain it was expiring as well. We can also see that you’ve downloaded copies of statements from the website multiple times.
Customer: (silence)
Me: I also see that you’ve already paid the remaining balance on the promotion within the same billing cycle as the interest was billed, and as this statement says as well, the interest will be waived since you paid it so close to the expiration date.
Customer: (pause) ..Okay.
Me: Anything else I can assist with?
Customer: No.
Me: Have a good day!

Second Story Background: A man claiming to have an account with us is upset that he was double billed and is requesting to speak to a supervisor with no other information to locate his account.

Me: Thank you for holding, my name is Donewiththisshitwoooo, who’m do I have the pleasure of speaking with?
Not-Customer: My name is Bob Ross, I am VERY upset. I have been calling you all day and no one is willing to help me! My son used his credit card to buy a couch and returned it. I bought it on my account for him since I have a lower interest rate and now we are BOTH. BEING. BILLED. THIS NEEDS FIXED.
Me: I can certainly get this resolved for you, can I have the account numbers in question?
Not-Customer: (rattles off some random numbers).
Me: Right, so the reason no one here is able to help you is because we do not service your account. We are X Bank, your account is through Y Bank which is the servicer for those accounts. The same applies to both account numbers you provided.
Me: Or, everyone at this company keeps saying it because you’re calling the wrong company. Their phone number is 1-111-111-1111
Not-Customer: You’ll hear from my lawyer!

Final Story Background: This one isn’t from a customer but from a senior agent who has been working there longer than I have. I have a very low tolerance for agents being an asshole to us in escalations as agents know just as well how many assholes they speak to, let alone us. So why treat us like that too?

Me: Escalations this is Donewiththisshitwoooo, how can I help?
Agent: This isn’t an escalation, I just have a question. The customer is upset that the previous agent hang up on them.
Me: Alright, you can submit a complaint in the Customer Requests drop down and we will give the customer a callback after reviewing the call which usually takes about an hour or so.
Agent: No, that’s not what the customer wants.
Me: What does the customer want?
Agent: She wants to speak to the previous agent.
Me: There is no option to direct transfer to a specific agent so that won’t be possible.
Agent: You’re not listening to me!
Me: What?
Agent: The customer is upset about this and I don’t know what to say!
Me: All we can do is apologize and offer for the call to be revie-
Agent: You’re not helping!
Me: Alright..are there other issues besides that?
Agent: The customer is very upset because the dispute time-frame is so long. (Up to 30 days)
Me: Unfortunately there is nothing we can do to expedite it. I generally explain the dispute process to help them understand why it can take 30 days. For example, we have to send a request to the merchant and give them ample time to respond.
Agent: I’m just going to try someone else – can you disconnect?
Me: I can but I’m the only one here at this time of night.
Agent: Ugh! Can you just take the call over?
Me: Is the customer aware they are being transferred?
Agent: No I didn’t get a chance to tell them.
Me: Okay, you not wanting to do your job is not an acceptable reason to transfer to the escalation line. I understand the customer is upset – but you need to at least try and explain and offer assistance. What’s your agent ID?
Agent: Why?
Me: I need it to track the complaint.
Agent: I’m not giving it.
Me: Okay, that really doesn’t matter. I can just search it through who has worked on the account – every person in the company has access to this.
Agent: Can I transfer now?
Me: No. Again, you not wanting to do your job is not an acceptable reason to transfer. Did the customer request a supervisor?
Agent: No.
Me: Did the customer threaten legal action?
Agent: No.
Me: Is the customer cursing or verbally attacking you?
Agent: No, she’s just upset.
Me: Do you have any other questions?
Agent: No why?
Me: Because I’m disconnecting, those are all acceptable reason to transfer the call to escalations. If those happen, send her right back to me or at the very least tell her you’re transferring her so she doesn’t request a complaint be filed against you too for not telling her. Have a good day!
Agent: Wha-

~The end

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