Names

Six years working sales, support, technical assistance, and escalations in five different positions for a popular vacation destination on land as well as by sea. As a result, I now hate names.

I hate searching by name.

I hate quality assurance metrics that require you to ask how the person wants to be addressed – especially for a quick call.

I also hate quality assurance requirements of saying the person’s name a specific times. I swear I’m going to summon Beetlejuice one day.

I also hate anyone’s parents as well as traditional naming conventions for the following egregious actions:

-Prefixes/titles

-Different and unique spelling of a common given first name

-Compound first names

-Multiple compound first names with contrasting gender (you are just asking for others to tease your child)

-Compound surnames

-Conjunctions of de, von, van, y, or a hyphen in your compound surname

-No surname at all

-Suffixes

-People who use their middle name, but do not disclose that they have a different first name

-People that are not forthcoming about above complications

-Anyone with the name Alfred, Jarvis, Riff Raff, Graves, Waylon Smithers, Wadsworth, Agador Spartacus, Lurch, Wong, Merriman, Mr. Belvedere, Samwise Gamgee, Duckworth, Igor, Kato, Woodhouse, or Jeeves (you are dictating what this person’s career will be!!!)

I for one cannot wait for our robot overlords to take over, barcode a number on the back of our necks, and that is what we use. This is why The Terminator had so many issues finding Sarah Connor. This is why I hate names.