I didn’t even ever search for stupid Texas!

Let me start by saying that our main app uses industry standard encryption to protect customers’ information/and finance. Lemme say that again, industry leading encryption. 128-bit SSL (for like desktop (probably)) AES 256 etc etc. The works. So no, your church friend who lives next door probably can’t hack it. With that being said, enjoy this tale.

I will be ME and the customer will be PW for Paranoid Woman.

ME: Hello and welcome to [bank]. You’re speaking to Peace. How Can I help?

PW: Hi dear. I want you to block my account. I’m going on holiday so I want it from [this date] to [that date].

ME: I’m really sorry to hear that you’d like to block it. Let’s do some security and you can tell me your reasoning [Security ensues].

PW: Well let me tell you from the beginning. I hear all these stories about people being hacked and I won’t have my iPad with me on holiday of course and will not want my neighbours, who go to church with me, who will be house sitting with their kids to get into my account. It’s scary what can be done.

So at this point I remind myself tht she’s like 70 and just needs to be told how encryption works and stuff.

ME: I completely understand where you’re coming from ma’am. Let me explain. Our app and website are extemely encrypted. Your information and finance is as safe as can be. There is no need for a block on your account.

PW: WHAT?! That’s silly and stupid and dumb! Let me tell you now “little man” (she said this). When I got my iPad this morning I visited BBC weather. It showed me the weather in Texas! I didn’t even ever search for stupid Texas!

ME: Ma’am, are you by any chance going on holiday there?

PW: YES! Not that it’s any of your concern! Just block my account. Stop being argumentative.

Oy vey! Facedesked so damn hard I have a bruise.

ME: Ma’am, it is virtually impossible to hack our system. I’ve been hear for just over two years and we haven’t been hacked, touch wod, yet.

PW: But not totally impossible. Is it? silly!

ME: But nothing is a 100% in life. This is just the best we have with the technology that’s out there.

PW: Just block me account right now you silly millenial!!

Nope, fuck you ya silly woman.

Yes, ma’am. Your account is blocked. Have a nice holiday. [Click]

I hope when she goes to Texas she urgently needs cash she locks herself out of the app because she blocked the account. and when she rings she’s told she needs a password reset. Through the post. I hope she steps on Lego.

EDIT: Further info & clarity.

EDIT 2: Grammar/spelling fixes.