"I’m not able to access your account right now".

I’m sure this happens regularly for any of you who experience system outages in your call centre job. Mobile, apologies for formatting.

C = Customer M = Myself

M = “Good evening you’re speaking to Firespray.31, (insert generic greeting), we’re currently experiencing some system downtime, so I’m not able to access your account and details at this moment, however I can certainly assist with any general queries or questions you may have?

C = Oh okay, well if you look at my account you’ll see I called on x date, I want to query X, Y and Z.

M = Apologies, as I mentioned at the start of the call we don’t have access to your account details at the moment so I wouldn’t be able to verify this information

C = Can you not just check it for me anyway?

M = Apologies again, we would need to be able to access your account to do so. Are there any general enquiries not related to your account that I can assist you with this evening?

C = Oh okay I understand. What about when my next bill is? And also can I update my address?

M = Those details would still form part of your account with us.

C = Well I don’t have any general f*cking questions, if I did, I wouldn’t be calling you for help.

-call clicks-

Fun times. It never quite sinks in no matter how many customers you speak to.