Frenchy is good at his job. This doesn’t make Frenchy a good teacher.

Frenchy was, despite his drug issues, one of the best customer service/technical support agents I have ever met. The first time management realized that just because you had no complaints against you didn’t mean you would be good at teaching others will always stick with me.

He’d been at the same call center job for a year and a half, which in call center time is about six years of real career time. He’d been there longer than most manglement had been. And he had never received a customer complaint against him.

So, the management decided that it would be really nice of them to recognize his accomplishment and have him pass on his knowledge to the rest of the phone jockeys.

They called a meeting (seriously, they made me come in on my day off for this stupid meeting) and once it began, they called Frenchy up to the front.

“You all know Frenchy, if not by name than by exploits and stories. What you may not have known, is that Frenchy has never had a bad survey. Not a single complaint. He’s the only person in this entire building to have a perfect customer satisfaction score. So, we’re going to give him a $10 gift card to Barnes and Noble, and ask him to share some of his tips and knowledge with you.”

Frenchy kind of shuffled his feet and looked really embarrassed. They handed him the gift card and asked him to share his number one tip for keeping customers happy.

And so he did.

Before I share Frenchy’s number one tip, you have to know that we were in Utah. Utah county, Utah, to be precise. So, most of the people that were working here were Mormon and generally super sheltered from “coarse language”.

Anyways, Frenchy, in his ridiculously thick, stereotypical French accent, looks out at the group of us and said, “You give them a verbal blowjob. You can call the stupid fuckers whatever you want, you can say whatever the fuck you want, so long as your verbal dick is jammed into their ear cunt and you slide it in gently.”

Management interrupted him at this point and thanked him. Meeting adjourned.

Sometimes I almost miss my call center days.

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A moment of silence for everyone who has to help people with website use over the phone.

Fix my mistake